I fucked up.
See, I founded a startup about 12 years ago, busted my ass for 7 years - ended up selling it - just as I wanted.
It wasn't a front-page exit, but it was a nice deal that should have made my future much easier.
But I fucked up. I was positive i was on a roll of my life - and that I can make much more money with that money.
So I invested a lot of it in my 2nd startup, which completely crashed and the rest went to real estate investments, which seemed too good to be true - only to find out that they are just that.
Not a cent went to a stable and long term savings for the family. Nothing.
Few years went by, the second startup failed, the real estate investments' fate is unknown, and I am left scraping for cash, just like I did before I sold my first company.
But now I have 3 amazing kids, which could have been taken care of by now, had i had the brains to be more cautious and responsible.
And i can't stop thinking about how things should have turned out. How I was already where I wanted to get to, and I fucked up.
These thoughts chase me every second of the days, for over a year now.
These dangerous thoughts sent me to the closest drink so many times that i can't remember.
Back when I sold my company, I was on the top of the world. We went on vacations, I lent money to people who asked, I paid for all the dinners. I was sure it was going to last forever, and nontheless, i was confident that I am building trust and sending karma to the world which will pay back one day.
In the past year I have learned that that's wrong. That all the faith and trust I put in the world is much weaker than i thought and hoped.
That the majority of the people around me, will disappoint me more than i can imagine, And this realization too, sent me to drink so many times.
What's my bottom line here? I am not sure.
Maybe that life's tough, maybe that life sucks. Maybe that getting disappointed by close people hurts really bad.
Or maybe that non of the above is an excuse to drink - cause I am hurting only myself and no one else.
There are a lot of challenges around sobriety - other than simply not drinking alcohol.
The fact that you have to face your thoughts and feelings, just as they are, to face your past and deal with it, with no possibility to just erase it with a few shots - that's fucking hard.
What are the thoughts and feelings you're facing while discovering sobriety?
Share in the comments :)
ODAAT friends
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