I am the very proud father of 3 beautiful and healthy children, thank god. They are quite young, 3, 5 and almost 7. When my first son was born I was "the cool father" who takes his baby for a walk in the city and have an afternoon beer with him with all of my friends. I felt I was so cool, keeping my routine, carrying my new born on the baby carrier, while drinking shots - not letting this small new development in my life change my routine, god forbid.
This was a more relaxed period in my life, professionally and financially, so I was more at ease and not too stressed (like I usually am) - so this occasional afternoon bar visit became a bi-weekly habit. We'd use to go on vacations, a new parenting couple, traveling the world, and daddy of course, keeps his drinking as usual. That all seemed quite normal, I didn't see major issues or problems with what I was doing.
A little less under of couple of years later, my baby princess was born - routine continues. It was just before Covid hit, and when it did, the my home drinking habit was born with it. It was Covid time - the end of humanity was around the corner - so why no just drink away?
2 years after that, our youngest was born. I admit I had a few self wake up calls due to that little angel. As you know, you need a few of them to actually wake up, but I'll give him the credit of actually doing that to me.
I've done so much stupid things as a drunk father, that I am too ashamed to write about it now. I will eventually, but now is perhaps a bit too early for me.
Anyway, I wanted to write about being a sober father, and here I am going on and on about how it was not to be one. Force of a habit?
I am a sober father (doing my best at least)
Raising kids is the most difficult task life brings upon you. I am fairly new at this (just shy of 7 years), but based on what I've experienced so far, and what I see from others - it's a fucking mission impossible. While at the same time being the most rewarding and meaningful experience of your life - it can very well tear you apart and take you to extreme feelings you've never felt before. Kids can drive you insane like no one else. And I still have puberty to go through...
So when you can grab a drink every time that happens, and simply pass out - that's extremely comfortable. "My kids are driving me crazy! I deserve to get fucked whenever I get the chance!" And that's it. No coping, current crisis is over, and we can move on till the next one comes.
Now, I don't drink. We're (extremely lucky to be) on vacation now, intense days - where most of them are pure joy and fun - but some moments can really drive a man crazy. The other day was a perfect example, where I felt like they are pulling me to the edge of myself, where I now longer know what to do. I had to leave them to get some air, my wife told me "go, clear your mind - but don't drink." I am proud to say that while I was naturally thinking about it (just the thought of a cold one - or 4 - could make all of this go away), I knew I wasn't going to. And I didn't.
So I went for a walk, had a cold 0.0 AF beer, grabbed a bite, and went back to my beautiful family to face it. No, it wasn't a good day, one of those days you just wait to have everyone in bed and call it a day. But I managed to work my way through it, with not a drop of alcohol in my blood.
Another small victory to me. Fuck alcohol.
ODAAT my friends.
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